Black Boy Don't Lose That Joy
This week, I have been particularly obsessed with these "black boy joy" videos. Every time I go on a social media platform, I pray I see a little boy, with brown skin, smiling from ear to ear. This brings me a lot of peace.
Honestly at times, I am afraid to raise a black son.
Gosh this sounds horrible and I hate to say it, but he will be born with a target birthmark called his skin color.... why do I feel like this in 2017?
What will I do when that smile turns to sorrow simply because of the color of his skin? What will my response be if that glow ever turns to tears because he "followed the rules yet still got punished"? Where will his joy lie?
I love my little baby boy. I feel crazy because I look at my stomach and just randomly start to cry, because I can't believe my body is creating such a miracle....then my little baby kicks me as if he is saying " mom chill, you are being extra,” and it immediately makes me laugh. We had an appointment yesterday for an ultrasound and I couldn’t wait to see him going crazy in my stomach. It's so cute to me. It's pure joy. He doesn't know what this world holds.
All he knows is the heartbeat of his mother who is holding him.
What do mothers do when you can't hold him anymore?
For some reason, I think my son will look like a little like my brother. I remember seeing my brother in his younger years, running around, wanting to climb trees, being so intrigued at the zoo with all the animals, etc.. I loved seeing his joy.. I now know he understands the world.. and I believe some of that joy has been taken.. I can see it in his face. I see it in the faces of a lot of black men today... How do we replace the joy? How can I love on my son forever? How can I hold him so that no one will take his joy?
Ok... switching feelings lol ( I have to catch myself or I will be a wreck).
Are these hormones or is this just me? I guess I will never know.
All I know is that I can’t wait to see my little baby boy running, flipping, and doing yoga in my womb… and I pray that little black boy never loses his joy.