The Important Lesson My Body Taught Me
I lay on my couch and thought “My body hates me. It never wants to do shit I need it to when I need it to.” It was 3 am, and I’d just done a work day’s worth of traveling and spent family time in between. The day before had been full, the upcoming week was about to require beaucoup energy. I really wanted to sleep, so why couldn't I? My body hates me. It could be nothing else.
This led me down the road of thinking on other ways my body was supposedly betraying me; it felt unsatisfactory in some way most of the time- headache, stomachache, stronger and newer PMS symptoms than I remember. Then thinking about being frustrated made me still more frustrated and further from feeling good.
Needless to say I felt defeated over a lot real fast. I didn't even go through the “what's wrong with me/why do I feel so much” montage. I let myself feel all these feels and then evaluated and asked a question I learned from Kanye, “What's the basis?”
What I was able to see in the space of evaluation was that my body is a baby. Like, a baby-baby. And I'm her mom. My body responds to my treatment of her before I respond to what sensation I'm feeling in my body. So, my body can't hate me first. My body was awake because it needed care from me to get to sleep. I was in control, even when I was out of control.
For example, if I’d kept up the routine of drinking cherry juice 30 mins before bed nightly, then I'm sure I wouldn't have been awake and pissy. If I’d kept up the routine of drinking water on a regular basis then perhaps my head wouldn't have been hurting.
So, if I wanted a different result from my body, I had to do things that helped her be her best proactively rather than only reactively.
I resolved to have re-learned the lesson that I get what I give (in all ways), reactively made myself a baby cocktail of kombucha & tart cherry juice and breathed easy in the dark until all the frustration was gone and sleep set in.